HomeIn ordinary life we hardly realize that we receive a great deal more than we give, and that it is only with gratitude that life becomes rich. -Dietrich Bonhoeffer
It is vital that people "count their blessings" to appreciate what they possess without having to undergo its actual loss. -Abraham Maslow
Good Morning! Somehow, once again, the holiday season has rolled around.
This coming week is the major American holiday, one that almost all Americans celebrate.
I must acknowledge in passing that there are those for whom the celebrations of Columbus Day and Thanksgiving are more appropriately days of mourning. They will see these events as celebrations of the triumph of colonialism over native peoples; and there is truth in that view. I do not wish ever to lose sight of that fact. I want to keep hold of it not as a chain of self-flagellation, but as a reminder that justice has yet to be served, and that there are those who are suffering today because their resources now belong to us. We owe them and have not yet begun to repay them.
The question for the descendants of the Native Americans really is, Gratitude? For what?
But that question is not theirs alone. Many people find themselves in times of stress during these holidays. There are people who today do not know where or even whether they will share Thanksgiving with others. There are people who do know who they will share Thanksgiving and would prefer not to.
The holidays are a time when there is a lot to do, and that can be stressful; there is a financial burden and that can raise stress; there are high expectations, and they can be disappointed; and there are often underlying family issues that are raised at this time, if for no other reason than that families are together. How many dramas offstage or screen take place at Thanksgiving? How many real life dramas do?
A warning to some of you; Thanksgiving is the first time some young people return home after being away at college or in their own apartments. And that means that sometimes this is the week that all of the issues of dependence and independence clash. This is sometimes the worst week in the relationship between parents and their grown children. Just sometimes. Know that this, too, shall pass.
There is another question, an important one. Just what are we celebrating, just what are we meant to be grateful for. Some of us know; some of us know quite clearly what gratitude is and what we have that is precious. But I want to think about it a bit more deeply this morning.
As an aside, on Friday I read are port about mice; scientists have found that there are timid mice and that if they remove one gene from those timid mice, the mice become assertive and aggressive. They begin to explore things that previously they would have shied away from. Being timid appears to be at least partly controlled by our genetic makeup. It is not solely a psychological weakness, as it is so often framed.
That caused me to wonder whether the ability to be thankful is at least partly genetic. Is there a gratitude gene? If so, are some people simply incapable of appreciating the blessings they have? That would be a deep loss, a great disability.
I assume that our genetic material is only part of our personality make up and only influences rather than determines our outlook on life. But I also assume that no matter who we are there are times when we feel less than pleased by our lot in life.
Some of us, whether because of psychology or genetics or life circumstance, spend a good deal of our time thinking about what it is that we do not have. That seems to be quite natural to human beings. Keeping up with the Joneses is one version of that. Criticisms of the American consumer society abound, I need not describe them; you have heard them before. Comparing ourselves to others, judging our lives not by what we have but by what others have that we do not. Sometimes that is not only natural; it is a matter of justice. To be poor in a land of great wealth is to have salt heaped on the wound of poverty.
But thinking about what we do not have is part of our nature. Maslow's "Hierarchy Of Needs" speaks to that. Once our basic survival needs, our needs for food, water, clothing and shelter are met we reach for the next level of need. If we were satisfied once those basic needs were met there would be no civilization, no science, no art, no learning. There would be no books or music. There would be no religion, no philosophy, and no flower gardens.
It is because we have needs and desires that transcend those basic life-sustaining urges that we lead the lives we do. The human desire for the next thing, for something more, is a powerful and creative and wonderful force.
Like any force, it can have a negative aspect.
A grasping drive for power or sex or wealth or possessions can cause us to behave in unacceptable or even evil ways.
Many religions have taught that attachment to worldly things is evil. Sometimes that has been used to keep the poor in line rather than to reform the wealthy; but it is a common theme, I believe, because of the truth that excessive grasping after personal ownership of material things can cause harmful behavior and can lead one away from other aspects of life, from human relationships and the spiritual element in the human mind and heart.
And so Buddhism claims that the grasping after things and attachments to things, including relationships, are the pathway to suffering. It is in not grasping, in overcoming those passions and desires that lead to attachment, that we find release, liberation, Nirvana.
In essence, Buddhism says to detach from each of the levels of need that Maslow has identified. Now, Buddhism does not preach that one should practice asceticism. That is an approach that Buddha specifically rejected. But the implications of Buddhism are that if one should find oneself in a circumstance where food clothing and shelter are not available, one should accept that with equanimity.
And if one finds oneself at a Thanksgiving dinner, practice gratitude and mindfulness.
Personally I do not reject all of the things of the material world. Some of them, especially some of those to which I am most attached, provide me with deep comfort. I draw strength and meaning from them. Specifically I think of my attachments to certain human beings.
However, I am mindful of Buddhism's warning that attachments for joy also bring sorrow. If we love, our loved one may leave. But I believe we are better off loving than not.
Still, the question of how to be grateful when sad times come, when we are beset by loss that feels overwhelming, remains in my mind.
The story of Job came into my mind this week. I have spoken of Job before, and how the end of the story is deeply unsatisfactory to me. Job, who has lived a blameless life, loses everything. He loses his children, his home his wealth. He loses his health. All that remains to him is his wife, a wife who tells him to just go ahead and die. He does have three friends, but they come and tell him he deserves what he has received. He certainly has nothing to be grateful for. So Job complains to God, saying he had done no wrong. God basically says to him, how dare you question me, and Job relents. Hardly satisfying.
And yet. God's response to Job is to point out the majesty and wonder of the world and of the universe: "Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth…who laid its cornerstones when the morning stars sang together…where is the way to the dwelling of light and where is the place of darkness…Can you bind the chains of the Pleiades or loose the cord of Orion…can you lift up your voice to the clouds so that a flood of waters may cover you...is it at your command that the eagle mounts up and makes its nest on high?"
For those who are Theists, hear the voice of God speaking to Job. The book says God speaks to Job out of the whirlwind. Perhaps that is so, or perhaps it is the voice of God speaking through the whirlwind of emotion that swirls in Job because of his losses. In either case, God speak to Job at a deeper level than that of the things of this life and this world, deeper than even the human relationships of this world. He speaks to Job of the whole universe, of all existence, of life itself.
For non-Theists, picture Job going for a walk and stopping to stare across a desert expanse at distant mountains, or that he sat at the edge of the sea and looked at its vastness, or stood under the canopy of stars and saw how immense the universe truly is.
Perhaps it was a moment of awe like that which caused Job to rise out of himself and see the same message that Buddhism preaches, that Hinduism preaches and a hundred other religions, and that science teaches us: the message that life does have sorrow, but that it is so incredible, so astonishing, and so overwhelmingly improbable that we should be, that we should have life and be able to experience sorrow and joy, despair and hope, that we should be deeply thankful for every breath, for every heartbeat, for every human contact, for every morsel or crumb of happiness that we have.
Perhaps Job recognized that beneath the needs of survival there is an even deeper yearning, the yearning just to be. "I thank God for this amazing day, for all that is infinite, for all that is Yes!"
Does trouble come? Yes.
Is life still beautiful? Yes.
I personally have deep wealth. In the midst of a gigantic universe, I stand on a beautiful, bounteous planet; I have eyes to see, ears to hear, fingers to touch and lips to taste. And that alone is sufficient miracle for any.
I do not fear for tonight's meal, or tomorrow's, or all the way to Thursday. I do not doubt I will have warm, dry shelter tonight. I have my basic survival needs met.
Beyond that, far beyond that, I have people who love me, who for some unknown reason want to be with me, want to sped time in my company. My wealth goes far beyond that of most people.
I am blessed. May I remember this fact in time of trouble and sorrow, in time of loss and grief, in time of anger and stress. I am blessed. I am deeply, deeply blessed.
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