HomeFrom what do you seek to escape? To what do you seek to go?
The story: The people of Israel sought escape from slavery; they finally got it but had to flee as Pharaoh’s soldiers chased after them.
Still, they got away and got almost to where they wanted to be; they got right to the edge of the Promised land. They sent in spies who looked around and came back and said “we cannot go in there; there are strong people with walled cities and big armies”. Only Caleb, of all the spies, said the equivalent of, “C’mon guys, we can do this!”. So, out of fear the people of Israel turned back when they were right there on edge of where they wanted to be. And God punished them by saying, “Now you will wander in the desert until this entire generation dies out; only Caleb will live to see the Promised Land”.
So, wandered in desert for forty years.
In life of any person or people, similar pattern is not unusual.
Person wants change but doesn’t want to change.
People of Israel wanted freedom, but as they wondered in the desert they also wanted someone to provide their food for them. It doesn’t really work that way. Freedom means that--to the extent you can—you provide your own food. So, they wanted freedom, that is, they wanted change, but they didn’t want to change in order to have freedom or as a result of it. They wanted change, but they didn’t want to have to change in order to have change.
That is so human.
I was a substance abuse counselor for a number of years, and addicts would come into treatment because their employer or their spouse or their family or the courts had sent them. And they would want to change, whatever their problems were, they wanted those problems to go away and never come back. But when the counselor said, “don’t drink or use”, they would say, “Oh, wait a minute”. You see, the typical person entering into substance abuse treatment wants to have the consequences of their use go away, but wants to keep drinking or using.
It’s not just addicts, by the way. Family members of addicts go to a treatment program and think their going to learn how to get the addict to stop drinking or using. And the counselor says to them, you can’t change the addict you can only change yourself. “Change myself, what are you talking about; I’m not the one with the problem”. Ah, but you are. And the only thing you can change is you.
You know, I’m like that a lot, too. I want my cholesterol level to go down, but I don’t want to go to the gym or change my diet. Part of that is that I love food. I have given up drugs, I have given up tobacco, I have given up all the fun things in life and now my doctor wants me to give up my favorite foods. And I don’t want to. And that’s the point: I want my circumstances to change, but I don’t want to have to change my behavior or my way of being in order for that to happen.
You know I even joined a gym. About five weeks ago. I’ve been once.
The addict gets to the treatment program, that is, gets right to the border of the Promised land, but turns back, says no, I don’t want too have to change me in order to change my circumstances.
I get to the gym, right to the border of the Promised Land, and I turn back and say no, I don’t want to have to change me in order for change to happen.
I have a friend who worked for a successful company that was then bought out, so he had to find a new job. His new employers would then come to him and say, “Your company did very well, there must be some tricks or practices you can teach us that would help us to be as successful”. And Paul would describe culture of his old company, he would talk about how they acted as a team and how they treated their employees. And the new bosses would look at him for a moment and say, “Yeah, but there must be something you did that you can teach us!”. You see, they didn’t want to change to have change.
Many organizations are like that. There was an article in my town’s local paper a few years ago about the Grange and how the local chapter, like the national organization, was having trouble bringing young people. And the article talked about how young people today don’t feel drawn to an organization that has strange names for its officers and has secret, members only, handshakes. That doesn’t draw me. And so the Grange was having difficulty drawing in new members but the old members didn’t want to give up the ways they were used to. They wanted change, but they didn’t want to have to change to get it.
(Aside here: Sometimes congregations are like that. They want more people to come in their doors, or they want younger people to come in their doors, but they don’t want to have to change in order to make that happen.)
Well, the point today is not the Grange, or substance abuse treatment, though they are examples of what I am talking about, but the point today is about our own efforts in life to escape from something, to seek something new, and the kind of things within ourselves that might make that difficult.
What are the things you would like to escape from? I have already mentioned my cholesterol level. I also have a tendency to be too undemanding in my relationships with other people. When we have hired people to do work on our house, I am too willing to accept slipshod work and poor excuses. That annoys Genie—I accept low quality work and pay the person anyway. And I have rarely been direct about my disappointments with other people; I too often accept what I consider to be bad treatment by others. Part of that is that I don’t wish to be seen—or to see myself—as a bad or demanding person. And so I end up feeling used or abused instead. I seem to be unwilling to change just enough to be self-protective without be offensive, because it feels bad to me, it feels selfish to stand up for myself.
Let’s go back to the people of Israel at the point where they were right at the border of the Promised Land and then backed away out of fear. And because they turned back, the God of the story said to them, you shall wander in the desert until this entire generation is gone. Think of that as saying, you will wander in the desert until those qualities that have held you back are expunged from within you. Then the story applies to any people or any person who allows their own “inner stuff” to get in their way of moving forward.
And what is that “stuff”? For the children of Israel it was fear, fear of the people living in Canaan.
The Israelites, African Americans, women, gays and lesbians, all had to be willing to face their own fears and put them aside in order to move forward.
That is one of the great stumbling blocks for human beings, isn’t it? I’m ready to enter the Promised Land, I can see where I’m going, where I want to be, but fear turns me back. So I don’t ask for a raise or quit my current job or leave a bad marriage or enter into a good one, or open a new business or go back to school or whatever it is that I would do if only I had the courage.
What does it take to overcome fear? Faith and trust. Or desperation. Or being sick and tired of being sick and tired. Sometimes when we don’t act on faith and trust we wait until desperation arises.
But faith and trust in what? It almost doesn’t matter. If you have faith in yourself, or faith in God, or faith in the goodness and willingness of human beings to offer help, or faith in the process of moving forward--believing that now unseen doors open for those who strive—any of those will serve.
Now let us acknowledge that sometimes it is reasonable fears that keep us from moving forward. For example: this may not be the best of times to quit a job. On the other hand, no mater how bad the times are, if your job is draining you spiritually and emotionally, then maybe you should move on. Back in 1980 I quit a job I had for precisely that reason. It was draining me emotionally and even though I had no other job to go to, I knew I needed to leave. The job was doing too much internal damage for me to stay. But I left in a kind of desperation. Had I realized earlier that this job was not good for me I could have left it earlier and probably with a job to go to. But fear held me back; fear and inertia until these were overwhelmed by desperation. And desperation, oddly, gave me faith in the future. Things had to be better than this job.
From what do you seek to escape? To what do you seek to go? What will you need to overcome when you get there? What part of yourself will you have to transform or leave behind? In what do you place your faith and trust?
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